Gravity
So gravity pulls things to each other, and everything has gravity. Then why do people pull away from me?
Grades
My mom asked me why I am too lazy to get a better grade. I responded that it wasn’t my fault. My grades were too lazy to bring themselves up.
Brother
I hate my brother. He left the garbage can open the day after we ate fresh fish. The next day, there were a bunch of flies that came to eat the fish remains. The day after, a bunch of frogs came to eat the flies. The day after, a bunch of birds came to eat the frogs. Now, I have to clean the bird poop everywhere, even on the shoes.
My friend’s long list of connections just to get me something
My friends just told me yesterday that his cousin’s girlfriend’s dad’s coworker’s sister’s ex-husband’s buddy’s brother’s sister-in-law’s boyfriend’s barber could get me a discount at a supermarket. I just want to help my brother’s mother-in-law’s cousin buy a case of wine to give to her friend’s birthday.
The Recipe
I have such a dumb sister. The recipe said to put in half a cup of sugar. She cut the cup in half, put sugar into the half cup, and then threw both the cup and sugar in.
The Mad Comedian
My friend is mad because no one laughs at her jokes. Her jokes are all about countries that take 30 minutes to explain the context.
7-year-old jokes
My mother’s friend’s son’s jokes are all like Fred fell down the stairs and hit someone in the head with his foot. We had to laugh the fakest real laugh to make him happy. If we don’t, we have to give him a cookie to stop him from getting mad.
